Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
