just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you didnt know i had herpes?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
