I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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