hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
