He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
