Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
