I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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