I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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