Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
