i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
