I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
