I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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