You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
