so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
