So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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