bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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