You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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