Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
