I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
