he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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