why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Watching her eat just hurts me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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