My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
