i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
