Me too!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
