you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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