Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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