i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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