what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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