I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
4 words: hood of his car
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
