Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
