laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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