Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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