Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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