I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
