PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
