We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
