Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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