trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
