I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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