my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am in a vortex of obligation.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
