moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im calling her cock vulture from now on
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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