I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
