omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
