1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
