; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
