So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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