i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
