I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
