you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
