too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
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you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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