Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
