theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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