I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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