I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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