I'm eating all of the evidence.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
