Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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