you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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