I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
