I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
