the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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