my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
