dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
