he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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