Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
