you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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