My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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