bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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