Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
