So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
