I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
