Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
