I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
