Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
