She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
