Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
