I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
