my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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