Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
