My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
