Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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