The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
